Mail-lady, really. Remember the Chevy Chase movie “Funny Farm”? That’s how I’m beginning to feel.
In our old neighborhood in West Virginia, our mailman introduced himself. We’d have brief chats if I was out working in the garden or playing with Ben in the front yard. We knew our mail carrier and both of his substitutes by name—it was wonderful!
We have been here in this house in Ohio just shy of six months. Our regular mail-lady is actually great. However, her substitute…Let’s see. She once tried to run me off the road when I was passing her as she was stopped putting mail in a mailbox (and as I really like my car and don’t want it destroyed, I’m a cautious driver). Another time she tried to run me off the road coming up from behind me—that was probably just for the fun of it.
Worst of all, though, she has even delineated from her original route when she has seen me waiting at the mailbox with an order or two to hand her, as they’re too big to fit into our mailbox. No joke—she will turn the corner even though it’s not her normal route, and has done this several times. (My office overlooks the street, so seeing the USPS truck go by is really just part of my day; I’ve gotten to know the routine. Yes, this is sad.) And once I saw her smirk as she did this. She smirked! As I stood in the rain and wind! Oh, the shame.
Of course, if I want customers’ photos to go out, I must wait for her return. It’s the most ridiculous thing—and seems to unfailingly happen on a day when the weather is nasty. Lovely! I’ve worried that she’s going to bend someone’s order, but thank goodness, it hasn’t happened yet. That would be too obvious, most likely. For some reason, this woman has a vendetta against me.
We actually hit our local True Value and grabbed a large mailbox that will at least fit 10×13 photos, ridding me of the necessity of standing beside the mailbox in a hailstorm so y’all get your prints.
Even so…Sometimes I am just waiting to hear that maniacal cackle as the substitute mail-lady drives by.